Yesterday I felt Alive!
It was an amazing feeling all but forgotten in the past two months. Now, I felt many things during this brief period of recovery: mostly grateful…to be among the living. I went on with my daily life. But the ever present spectre of unease clung to my neck like an exotic snake, hissing into my ear like Kaa from Jungle Book.
“Sure, you are getting stronger and feeling better…but you felt good before…how can you trust it wont happen again?”
As I mentioned in my last post on the surgery, I made a decision to use this episode as a wake up call and not an excuse to shut down. And the days come one after the other…some are good and some are bad. Since the surgery, I have had pneumonia, a bacterial infection and pleurisy (common after bypass surgery). These were taken care of with antibiotics, but shook my confidence a little.
So, I have been living, working, walking, seeing friends….just living.
And without warning…
Yesterday dawned beautiful and bright! I set out for my morning walk. The sun warmed my skin while a gentle breeze played around my neck. Dogs barked, children played and Wisteria bloomed a pale periwinkle in the yards I passed.
I felt alive! Kaa was losing his grip as the breeze untangled his hold. Joy crept into my heart edging out unease and concern. It was wonderful.
I share this for those who have gone through similar experiences with their health. You will have good and bad days. You will have days where every twinge brings you anxiety and you will have days where Joy creeps in to remind you what it means to be alive.
Joy…Hope…Meaning.. they are still there. Look for them and they will find you.