As 2019 approaches, I bid farewell , shaking off the mecurial drama-laden past year, like dust off of my feet. I face forward with steely resolve.
2018 was a challenging year for many of us. Whatever your political leaning, relationship status or economical situation…2018 either rained gold or wreaked havoc. The rise of factions, hateful words and deeds and polarizing actions caused relationships to strain and trust to erode.
In an effort to “fix” the wrongs of 2018, our minds look backward to review the people, events, and mistakes we leave behind. We tend to focus on our failures
those things we did that we wish we hadnt done…
Things we didn’t do that we wished we had.
Full of regrets and missed opportunities, we solemnly vow that 2019 will be better. Cementing that resolve, we make numerous resolutions.
Lose weight/eat more healthy
Take more time for ourself.
We seem to grasp the promise of a new year with a tightly clenched resolve to do better?
To be better.
I am no different. I began planning my new “me” changes in early December. I plotted a time-line for all the changes while vowing to forget 2018 and all the missteps I made along the way.
As I strategized, a nagging thought, circled my head like a summer gnat, buzzing a single phrase repetitiously.
I swatted it away time and time again as I feverishly planned my triumphant 2019. Be grateful? I am grateful for a new chance to get it right.
But the buzzing creature, unsatisfied with my answer continued. Offering a new word now, it buzzed on.
Appreciate what? That despite my vows from 2017, I did not achieve the majority of the resolutions. Allowing for every excuse that popped into my head, I continued to miss some opportunities.
“No! I will not look back! ” I told myself. “I know I can do better in 2019!”
Last year I spoke when I should have listened.
I judged when I should have accepted and harbored anger for a tad bit longer than necessary when I should have freely forgiven.
The unrelenting bug responded…
But what about when you didn’t?
What about all of the times you did stop and listen to those who needed to be heard?
What about the times you accepted without judgement and loved without restrictions?
What about the times you freely forgave wrongs done to you?
Pausing, I reflected on those words.
And realized that the Joy I was seeking could not be accomplished by chasing perfection.
No matter the resolutions, there will be always be hits and misses. There will be triumphs as well as set backs. Recalling only the failures diminished the successes.
I looked backward with eyes refreshed and saw the path I had walked for the previous year. Tender moments with family that brought such happiness. I saw times of success and opportunities found. I saw new friends made and new family created. So many snapshots in time that brought me peace and Joy were intermingled with the moments I had been trying to erase.
I conceded that every moment, every experience (good and bad) shaped me thus far into the person I am still becoming. Joy was not the reward for achieving a better life at the end of an arduous road.
The Joy is in the Journey.