An Expectation of Privacy

In the digital universe to which we apparently now fully belong, we have created a world where technology has supplanted human contact. I find that revelation disturbing, and I would like to deny it. However, more and more I am a spiteful observer, as the world I once knew becomes virtual.

It would be easy to blame Covid, but I propose that COVID only supplied the excuse many people were looking for to withdraw. Think about the etiology of the withdrawal from gatherings. Long before COVID, family time suffered a terrible blow with the invention of the video game. Kids, no longer enjoyed family dinners, conversation or television time, preferring to isolate in the comfort of their bedrooms playing games with strangers from all over the world.

I know I am a past generation, but does this sound healthy to you?

This phenomena of preferring digital communication rather than personal one extends to our cell phones as well. How many of you have seen the younger generation roll their eyes when you mention calling them on the phone.

“Don’t call! Text!” we hear.

And those who do talk on the phone, do so via speakerphone or EarPods because putting a phone to your ear is definitely out!

Unfortunately, our virtual obsession created another potential problem: the lack of respect for privacy. I will give a couple of prime examples below. Talking on the speaker phone in a crowded area is an immensely annoying habit that makes my hair bristle. When I find myself invited in (unsolicited) into someone’s private and intimate world, I find myself practicing deep breathing and self-talk to prevent me from lashing out. This week I encountered two such incidences where the person in question had no concept of privacy in a public place.

Yesterday as Mark and I waited for his pod to be ready, I began reading in the waiting area of the infusion center. After several minutes, I became acutely aware of a scorned woman. How did I know she was scorned? I only became privy to her private hell because she had a loud conversation going over speaker phone with one of her girlfriends. In the conversation, she bemoaned the treatment she received from her boyfriend because he would not put down the toilet seat. This apparently spoke volumes of his disregard and disrespect of her womanhood. She and her friend plotted all sorts of dastardly shenanigans which were designed to teach him a lesson, one of which involved her leaving her own hygiene products out for him to see. (In an effort to prevent your secondary traumatization, I will not go on).

It required only a cursory glance around at the room to notice the other patients trying very hard to ignore her very intimate conversation. No one, including me, spoke up to ask her to continue her conversation somewhere more private. And no one offered her any solutions as to what she should do to punish her disrespectful boyfriend and his non closing the toilet seat habits.

I must admit, I wondered if she just didn’t see the multitude around her or if she just was so focused on her own need to vent, that she just didn’t care.

On that same day, when we were in our infusion pod, I was forced to invade someone else’s privacy desperately wishing I hadn’t been invited in. To be fair, the pods are designed for the patient to have a comfortable experience for the few hours they are receiving infusion. So the cubicle is outfitted with a couple of chairs and a television with drinks and snacks available. But the important thing all patients should remember is that it is a CUBICLE and is surrounded only by a curtain.

A curtain. Not a wall. Not a vault. But a curtain.

As I, again returned to my book, I began hearing a conversation from the pod adjacent to ours. A new patient had been escorted in by a caring nurse, who helped to get his infusion going. Our neighbor was quiet at first, then I heard him talking. At first, I thought it was the television, but no such luck. Apparently, this man decided to call his wife/girlfriend and have an intimate conversation of a sexual nature beginning with “you should take off your clothes”. I wanted to shout, “I am in here and While I applaud your innovative ways to pass the infusion time…I really, I mean really, really don’t want to hear this!” But I didn’t want to embarrass him as he must have thought he had more privacy.

But dude, it’s only a curtain.

To prevent my own traumatization, I turned up our television, allowing Law and Order to drown out his conversation. Then I leaned over to my husband and whispered.

” Next week, I am bringing my headphones”.